skip to main
|
skip to sidebar
I thought this picture was perfect for this post since that's the look I gave the nurse. While we were waiting at the hospital today a lovely young nurse walked by and smiled at A. A smiled back and asked her if she liked her nails. "My mommy did them". I previously painted A's nails the night before and she made it a point to show everyone. The nurse looked at me and asked, "Is her hair hard to comb?" I immediately gave her the what-the-huh? face. I was definitely caught off guard. I replied "ummmm....no." And that was that. Well, no, that wasn't that. I sat there so confused. Who asks a stranger if their childs hair is hard to comb? Why does she think her hair is hard to comb? Because it's curly? I thought to myself, "I should have asked her if her hair was hard to comb, then she would have given me the what-the-huh? face!" I looked over at A as she reached up and pulled down one of her curls. Did she realize what this woman had asked? I know the young nurse didn't mean any disrespect but really? "Is her hair hard to comb?" What is the point in this question? So many questions ran through my mind. I looked at A as she examined her curl and told her her hair is beautiful. I don't know. Maybe I'm thinking it over too much. What do you all think?
.jpg)
.JPG)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
Everytime I go out somebody compliments Avianna's hair,then they say how thick and long it is,then they always proceed to say"you must have a hard time combing all that hair"
ReplyDeleteI get the same thing about myself. In my grown state, is it hard to comb through 'that' hair... as they reach for me and try to touch while I'm swerving and duckin to get away. Ughhhhhhhhh
ReplyDeleteI would have immediately asked her what did she mean by is her hair hard to comb. No I do not think that you are thinking it over too much because I would feel the same way. My oldest girl hair is similar to A's hair and my youngest has more course and thick hair. And there was a few people in my family sugggested that I should perm her hair, that is when I gave them the what the look and told them no I will not perm anyone of my girls hair if they want it straight when they get older we can do it no-chemically.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you are thinking it over too much. My mom used to get those questions about me when I was younger and I remember her telling them off. LOL I don't get why people do things like this. A is so lucky to have a mom that helps her to feel wonderful about herself and teaches her to love herself the way she is. She is a beautiful girl!
ReplyDeleteNo your not. I get asked questions like that and others that make you pause for a minute. That's what I've been talking about. How society feels and think a child that is not there's look. My problem with the nurse is...why would she ask that question in front of your daughter? As if A does not understand. It's great you talk to A about her hair. You haven't heard anything yet...wait ti A gets into upper grades. It will not only be the other kids but parents questioning you about her hair. As long as A is happy with her hair and you continuing to tell her about her beautiful hair nothing others say matter because you already love her hair and take great care of it.
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone, people ask me that all the time. Or they touch her hair and are surprised that its soft. Is it suppose to be hard because it looks thick?? SMH..
ReplyDeleteOMG! That question is right up there with the "what is she/he" when it comes to race. Like, why the heck is that one of the first questions that you are burning to ask when you see someone's child?? People are interesting as heck... and uh... ignorant too, because that's what it all boils down to. Not knowing what questions are of importance and what questions aren't.
ReplyDeleteI am sure she was just wondering. It would of been a great opertunity to mention your blog so she could learn a little more about different textures of hair.
ReplyDeletelook at how complecated hair can be right? A's hair routine is Easy to you but in the begaining it took some trial and error.
That's crazy!!! people need to really educate themselves on natural hair!!!Everyone's hair do not have to be straighten to look beautiful and just becuz it's not does not make our hair hard to comb once you understand natural hair to me it's really easier to take care of than relaxed hair
ReplyDeleteI think some people don't know what to say so they say ridiculous things. I'm a vegetarian, people have asked me, " Well, what do you eat?" lol. or my favorite "Isn't that really expensive?" Sigh. I usually look at them with the same expression on A's beautiful little face above. I agree with Emma's mom when someone is ignorant about something it really shows. Reallly shows.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who has made this mistake before, and also have to deal with it now, I have come to respect and realize how this question can be offending. I would ask just out of curiosity because I had never had so much beautiful hair. I would be envious of the young woman or little girl that was blessed with such a gorgeous mane and would ask the question out of cluelessness as to how I would even attempt to style all the beautiful hair if it were mine. I meant no disrespect at all, but now as a mother of a little curly and currently rocking my own TWA, I realize how ignorant I must have sounded. LOL. So please, on behalf of all the secretly jealous women who asks this silly question, accept my must sincerest apology and know that I have definitely learned my lesson. ;o)
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your input.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous, I see your point. However, just leaving it at "Is her hair hard to comb?" didn't make any sense to me. If she would have taken it further and maybe explained why she was asking that question....okay, but she didn't. A's hair was out, and happened to be a bit frizzy, so I initially thought she thought I didn't comb her hair because it was hard to comb. lol I'm all about helping people though, otherwise I would have a blog.
I do like hearing your opinions though. Thank you all for your honesty. <3
Yah, don't take that personlly. I say that out of experiennce myself. I have heard alot of things before that make you say, "What the huh?". I am a preschool teacher and while my 6 year old daughter was on spring break last week, she came to work with me an her brother. Anyways, a coworker of mine saw my daughter for the first time and said, "She's beautiful, look at all that hair, is it hard to manage". I think it's amazing how an adult can see a child and talk right in front of them and say stupid things. First of all I don't find my daughter's hair to be a chore or a hassle, which is usually what ignorant people are really saying. It is ignorance on their part. I have also heard the same, "Is it hard to brush through, wash, etc." Don't give it too much thought and stress yourself out. If things are said in front of your baby girl/boy, then just reasure your child about their beauty, (just like you said you did) handled like a pro mommy:)
ReplyDeleteSome people just do not realize what they are saying when they speak. I have quickly come to this conclusion especially since having Ava. One woman in a beauty salon I was so excited they had the line of Curls I was looking at it and she comes up to me and says aww shes beautiful. You are going to need lotsa that stuff when shes older her hair will be difficult... i just walked away
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't stress to much about it or give it too much thought. Reality is that there are curious people that wonder about other peoples hair whether it be polite to ask/comment about it or not. I've been asked about my little ones hair too but I honestly think it's just curiosity, maybe envy. Most people wouldn't know about other hair textures other than their own unless they have family or they have close friends with different hair. However, it also depends on how they ask, cause if you ask me about my daughter's hair and your looking at my baby crazy, I will probably have to give you a piece of my mind. But just as you did I reassure my little one and let her know her hair is beautifully curly and we love it.
ReplyDeleteMaybe she was genuinely curious and wanted to know how exactly you comb her hair. Far too many people are used to combing hair dry so this lady may be one of those.
ReplyDeleteI think the word needs to be spread on combing hair when wet and soaked in conditioner.
I didn't even think about you taking it as her possibly assuming you didn't comb her hair until you posted that comment. I totally understand your frustration. Sometimes people ask the most ignorant questions, and I hate that my little girl hears some of them. I usually just reply with, "We love her hair."
ReplyDeleteI get why it threw you off. I'm constantly getting what I call dumb comments about my daughter's hair, especially from family. I try not to let it irritate me too much b/c I know sometimes it is my sensitivity and I don't want my daughter to pick up on that. But at the same time, the comments are so frequent that she has already learned by the age of 5 that her hair gets her attention. She thankfully likes the attention and so far most of it is positive and well-meaning even if it comes across and really dumb. I think the comment that I get that I have hardest time with is when I'm asked if her hair is real. Really, the implications of that question just rubs me the wrong way.
ReplyDeleteYou know - people are not psychic, and people don't always realize that what they are saying might be offending. Just give her the benefit of the doubt. That being said, no one is going to learn anything about non-straight hair if we get all huffy the moment a question we deem dumb is asked. I am Ghanaian, and living in the US, I get a bunch of useless questions everyday,like: Did you learn English growing up? How the US must have been a culture shock for you! or Oh Ghana, it must be close to South Africa, right? or Do you speak African? It doesn't do any good to get all huffy, because how else are people going to learn? There is nothing wrong with what she asked. It might have been impertinent, true. But that is the impression the society gives about thick hair, curly hair - that it's hard to comb. Just check out all the ads around. A happens to have both thick and curly hair, it's a normal conjecture to come to given the info society gives us. How else is the ignorance going to get cleared up if she doesn't ask? So....yes, you are overthinking it, and no, she wasn't doing anything wrong. She might have been impertinent, and certainly ignorant, but we are all ignorant of something at one point or the other.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I was getting huffy. When she question came out of her mouth, I was confused, gave her the confused look and answered no. It was after it was all said it done that really got me thinking. What did she mean? Why does she care? etc. At that point, the had already left. It's interesting to see the different opinions though, and I love everyones honesty.
ReplyDeleteI guess in the future I will make it a point to ask them questions when I am asked something like that. When I think about it, following it up with "Why do you think her hair would be hard to comb?" might be taken as rude as well. What do you think?
I have gotten that question so many times, even " What are her parents?" (this 1 makes me MAD, I'm her mom, she looks 100% like dad and many people use to think I was babysitting her. We also get the most common one "who fixed her hair?" Duuuhhh. ME!!!!
ReplyDeletehttp://mylittlerascals-letty.blogspot.com/
But I just let them be ignorant..... what else can I do jump them? Thats what I feel like doing sometimes.
I definitely think asking where the question came from is a good follow up. It is not rude at all. It will help you both understand each other's positions better.
ReplyDeletethat's the comment that makes me mad,who fixes her hair?i guess they think cuz i'm white i have no clue how to fix ethnic hair,i usually tell them i have a live in stylist that fixes her hair evryday lol
ReplyDeleteI would have winced a little by that question, but when people ask me questions like that they better be ready to give me about 5 minutes of their time, because not only will the answer be no, I will then say oh we wash her scalp only with shampoo about once a week, and then I apply conditioner and comb it out let it sit for a few minutes and rinse out, then I apply a leave in conditioner and use a paddle brush to comb through all her curls and if I want to style I will do it while it's wet, and I have a bunch of clips to clip it out of the way while I work on section by section, but today she's wearing it free, any other questions? And that usually shuts them up and they go ahead and continue what they were doing.
ReplyDeleteI'm an AA curly and so is my little 4 year old daughter. It's interesting that you shared that experience because a nurse asked me the same question in front of my daughter last week. I had to laugh and then I answered "no it's not hard to comb". A lot of people just never learned how to take care of curly hair". It's actually very easy". I'm so used to people asking me that question, even family members. I think people just look at beautiful thick curly hair and are just curious about how to take care of it. This summer my older sister who lives in another city visited. I was wearing a braid out and she asked "How do you comb that?". I felt offended honestly because of the tone of her voice and referring to my hair as "that". I smiled and said " I don't comb through it dry- I just fluff it". Then I had to do some self talk to not let her negative tone effect my inner confidence. I love both me and my daughters long thick and curly hair. It's actually so much easier to take care of than I could have imagined. Wash and go's, braid outs, twists, and braids provide so many style opportunities for us curlies. Lets continue to educate those with questions posed positively or in a negative tone.
ReplyDeletebarbaranaturallyspeaking
I don't think you are over thinking it at all. You are a good mom that is raising a little girl to be confident about her beautiful hair. That question shouldn't be asked in front of a small child.
ReplyDeleteThese types of questions/comments used to eat away at me. I would second guess myself the rest of the day. Thinking I could have answered it better. Usually a few times a week my daughter wears her curls out with a headband just to give her scalp a break. While her hair was like that I had a woman tell me "Her hair is long enough for you to put a ponytail in, something, anything. Just do her hair." I had that moment like you what the huh?
I get the same question about my daughter, who has very similar hair, and that question doesn't offend me at all.
ReplyDeleteMy answer is YES. For me her hair IS hard to comb because it's so thick and curly BUT I dont't think that hard to comb means that it's not beautiful. It's just reality.
Hi all! I'm sorry, but I am sure that nurse wouldn't have asked the question if you looked like me! The fact is, there are ignorant people in the world. Ignorant people who don't know (geography: Ghana close to South Africa?!), and about common manners. It would NEVER occur to me to approach a stranger and ask a silly question like that. Is it hard for that nurse to have a good bedside manner when she is oblivious to how strangers she encounters might respond to a question like that?
ReplyDeleteI was out with my daughter recently and an older woman asked me if her father was white. No 'good morning', no 'nice day outside'...the first thing she said when she opened her mouth. I gave her the blankest stare and said yes and started speaking to her in Italian about how rude people can be! They were black. I'm already bracing for the moment someone who isn't black asks me how I like "taking care" of my daughter, making the assumption she isn't mine. You handled it beautifully though...making sure your daughter has no question about how special (and cute!) she is! Brava!
Lots of great replies have already come, and I don't want to be redundant :) But I'm sure it was an innocent question. People rarely realize how idiotic they sound. People used to say to me all.the.time... Wow - you have really long hair.
ReplyDeleteWhat-the-huh?? I know that! What are you saying? Are you saying it's too long? that you like it? That you are afraid there's rats in it? That you wish yours was long, too??? Who knows?!
My mom and I would joke that I should reply, "Thank you for the COMMENT." Since it wasn't a compliment and really wasn't a question either. At least with a question it opens the gateway for conversation.
I'm willing to bet that most people are only going to say something if it's from an innocent, admiring place. Not a rude, wow I hate your hair, kind of place - ya know?? At least that's how I choose to take it. Unless they come right out and say exactly what they mean, the interpretation is really left up to you! :)
Dreamer13, I have long hair, too, I think it's longer than yours, and it's also a vivid shade of red. Random people at the grocery store have walked up and commented about it. Theirs were all positive,("Your hair is so beautiful!")but more skeptical comments have come from girls my age. Whenever I would wear it down, someone would say, "You have LONG hair." I just said, "Thank you," took it as a complement.
ReplyDeleteNowadays I keep it up or braided in public, to protect it from sun and rubbing, but also to be modest about it. I don't really like drawing attention to myself. It's an interesting adventure, growing out my hair. :)
<><
I had to come back and find this post today, because it happened to us yesterday! We took one of our daughters in to the doctor, and we were checking her in at the counter. There were two receptionists checking us in, both brown sugar mommas, and they kept complimenting our daughters puff, how soft, and shiny etc..etc.. and then IT came..."she got the tight curls,it must be so hard to comb!!!" ??? wha? I flashed on this post, took a breath, and said "nnnooo...not at all,as long as you have a good wide tooth comb, denman brush, and natural non-drying, damaging hair products and patience. I got a piece of paper out tore it in half, wrote down the products that we like, and then I wrote down the address to your blog, and handed it to both of them. My husband was splitting sides.
ReplyDeletei despise those stupid questions...
ReplyDeleteeg - you must really struggle doing her hair..
(is that because i'm white or because you assume her hair is unmanageable)
or my most hated question.. who takes care of her hair.. obviously i must look clueless.. they assume her father does it.. her father has no idea how to do hair...
people don't mean to sound stupid or offensive but they should just keep most of the comments to themselves...
I think it very silly for anyone to get offended when people ask that question. We all have different types of hair and people may simply be curious because they have never had to maintain hair like your daughters.My daughter has almost the exact same texture as your daughters people ask me is she mixed and I simply say no because I am black and her dad is black.I don't get offended.Truthfully just because it's easy for you to maintain her hair it may not be for another person so the answer could be yes.I say this because I truly have a hard time maintaining my daughters.She is two and I'm still learning.
ReplyDeleteI follow BBB and LOVE it!!! I love the creative hairstyles and constantly look here for styling ideas for my daughter. This week I styled my daughter's hair with the "Half Corn-rows with 3-strand twist out". I modified the back for my daughter. Instead of a twist out, I did box braid. Very cute style!! I would love to win a copy of "I Love My Cotton Hair" for my daughter so that she can continue to appreciate how beautiful and special her hair is.
ReplyDeletesome people are so rude! People have said to me "it must be a nightmare to look after" about my daughters beautiful mixed race curls, in front of her too. I was too shocked to react the way I wish I had in retrospect. probably just said erm no it's ok.
ReplyDelete