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How do you keep your child loving and embracing their curls when most of their peers have straight hair? Has it been a challenge at all?
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Q.O.T.W: How do you keep your child loving and embracing their curls when most of their peers have straight hair?
How do you keep your child loving and embracing their curls when most of their peers have straight hair? Has it been a challenge at all?
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It's not easy all the time. When she does make comments like that I tell her that her hair is unique and special and all of her friends love her hair (which they do). But before she even makes comments like that I tell her how pretty her hair is.
ReplyDeleteSo far it has not been a challenge, which is great. My daughter is only 6 and where we live thankfully there are a lot of children with hair like hers and she points out girls who look like her. I pray that we have a good start on positive feelings about her hair, so that it will be easier to counter some of those ideas later when it can become more of an issue. My daughter has actually compared the straight-haired girls to herself and occasionally gives them the compliment that they are "as pretty as me." LOL! So far one thing my daughter does not lack is confidence in herself. She leans toward the other side of that spectrum.
ReplyDeleteThis is a good question. I need all the advice I can get right now to prepare for when my daughter reaches this stage with her peers and also since I myself have relaxed hair
ReplyDeleteNot sure how I did it, but my oldest loves her curls, she likes to have it straight occasionally, but loves even more to have it down and curly. I think it helps that everyone oohs and awes over her hair when it's down and out.
ReplyDeleteWow, it is difficult for my little one to have puffy/curly/shrunken hair when most of her classmates have long straight hair! We constantly admire her hair and try to style it in ways that make the most of her length, so that she can swing her hair too! Small box braids in the back and two little braids in the front really boost her mood! Also, we remind her that even though her hair is different, she is positively beautiful!
ReplyDeleteI have this within my own home: my SO has thick Southeast Indian hair that is bone straight, and one of my daughters has hair that easily brushes out (no heat, no chemicals) to straight hair because her hair is only slightly wavy. My children are multi-racial, and I have always shown them pictures of smiling multi-racial people with natural hair. I also show them pictures of all the styles they can achieve with their hair, and take pictures of them with their hair in the styles we've tried. I tell my kids that they have beautiful hair--hair that can be super curly or wavy like other multi-racial people and hair that can be brushed lightly to make it straight or braided up to get uniform waves if they want styles closer to other kids in their class. My SO also comments on their hair, and his little girl loves to get her hair styled them same way as my daughters even though she has straight hair like her dad.
ReplyDeleteHowever...my *secret* trick is to show them pictures of ppl who have damaged their hair with heat or chemicals in order to make it straight...my daughters never want to str810 their hair because of the warning pictures!
My daughter started at a new school in January and the comments have begun. She asks if she can go to the beauty shop to get her hair done, or she'll ask to wear her hair down. The beauty shop one is easy - I just tell her to get a job! LOL! Or I turn into bad mama and guilt trip her (you don't like the way mommy does your hair?). For the request to wear it down I learned to do down styles without heat. The main one is stretching her hair by banding and using flexirods for curls. My daughter absolutely loves her puffs though so if she's persistant I tell her she can get Abby Cadabby or Minnie Mouse puffs and all is right with the world!
ReplyDeleteThis blog has helped a great deal also. Showing her all the different styles keeps her excited about her hair. The hair share is especially helpful because all of the lovely little ladies have different textures so she can see beauty no matter how kinky, curly, or straight the hair!
It's easy because my daughter is a toddler. She loves her pretty curls! She likes her hair to be "played with" and likes to show it off too. People always complement her hair/style, she just eats it up. Her cousins with straight hair tell her "they wish they had automatically curly hair like hers." It's so cute.
ReplyDeleteI think it might be more difficult when she is older, I know peers change how kids view themselves.
My daughter is 8 and while she loves her curls the challenge for me is deflecting her interest in weaves and extensions.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter's hair is pretty long but in our town (I live in NJ) it is common to see children as young as 3 or 4 with added hair down to their waists.
So far, we've been okay. While she thinks the other hairstyles are pretty, she loves her hair but I'm preparing myself for that to change as her tweens set in and her desire to fit in becomes stronger.
It's been an uphill battle to a point with my daughter. I (for lack of knowledge) put a perm in her hair a few years back. She loved the straight look and how long her hair was. It was mid-back. Notice I said was....then her hair started to break, change to this reddish brown color and out of nowhere became really dry.
ReplyDeleteShe had a perm for 3 years and she decided that she didn't want to go thru it any more. I agreed because I had been talking to some people about hair and they mentioned some negative things about perms I didn't know. After educating myself and my daughter, she now understands that her hair does not have to be straight to look cute or have length. Every once in a while she mentions how she wants to straighten her hair and I tell her there are other ways to do it besides chemicals.
She sees the girls on here and she loves their hair and she wants to try all these styles. So she has a like/dislike from time to time, but it's getting better.
My oldest daughter is the only person in her class with big, curly, poufy hair. She has never had problems with it because the kids like her hair and tells her that all the time. There was a point where she was embarrassed to wear a fro because people at the stores would look at her and talk. She says she doesn't care what they think because she knows her hair is cool and the only people who make fun of it are the ones whose hair is different from hers. As she would say "the hatin!" Everyone else who has hair like hers will tell her they love her hair or give her thumbs up from across the way. I have explained to her and her older sister the benefits of keeping their hair natural and am teaching them how to take care of it on their own. So far it hasn't been much of a challenge.
ReplyDeleteI think it all startes at home. If the child is told daily by mom and dad (who should be natural as well, even if their natural texture isn't the same as the child's) that they and their hair are beautiful and get positive reinforcement like dolls with hair like theirs or really creative hairdos (like A) that straight haired peers can't replicate as well, it will instill in that child a sense of pride and uniqueness.
ReplyDeleteMy little girl doesn't have curly hair, but we deal with something similar. Her hair is red and sometimes she says things like: will my hair be brown or blonde when I get big? She has two brothers, one with each color hair and noone else in the family is a redhead. So she thinks that her hair will change color when she grows up. I usually tell her that it is special. We talk about some of the people she knows with red hair and how pretty it is. She's young enough that Princesses like Giselle and Little Mermaid help too. ;) But honestly, red and curly hair are both something to embrace!
ReplyDeleteAs a parent all we can do is be positive and set a good example for them.. my husband and i are always being positve about Amirah's hair to the point that she believes people with straight hair myself included have boring hair :) i also try and find dolls with curly hair and lots of books as she is a huge book fiend.. examples that she owns are "I love my hair," Happy To Be Nappy, Nappy Hair, Cornrows and Wild Hair.. she loves to read them and point out which characters have hair or styles like her..
ReplyDeleteMy daughter is only 3 so we haven't yet reached that stage...I'm curious to see what happens when she goes to "big school"
ReplyDeleteWe live in a very integrated neighborhood and so there are just as likely to be curly heads on the school bus as anything else!
ReplyDeleteRenee said "As a parent all we can do is be positive and set a good example for them" and I have to agree.
Curly hair, kinky hair, straight hair, whatever...as children grow, they become ever more conscious of their own individuality. They begin to see similarities and differences all around them, and begin pointing such things out - sometimes in not-very-nice ways, either innocently or otherwise.
My responsibility as a mother is to ensure my children know they are loved and accepted unconditionally.
My firstborn (now 23) is very petite and fine-boned and would get teased about how small she was. I taught her, from preschool, to respond 'Dynamite comes in small packages!' Rosie, age 9, has a marvelous Cindy Crawford-like beauty mark. The first time someone teased her about it, I told her that when God formed her, he took a good look and said 'Hm...she needs a little something.' He reached down with his index finger and placed that beauty mark exactly where it was supposed to go and said 'Perfect!'
My point - and I do have one, people my age tend to ramble after a while :) - is that self-acceptance is key. We as parents can nurture that within our children with unconditional love, positive reinforcement, and encouragement.
Have not had tha problem as of yet. I guess because I have boys. I did have a problem with my 2 of my boys wanting a haircut and 1 son wanting his hair blowdried or pressed because people talked about his curls and saying hes not black or he needs a perm. I talked to them about it and they said it was because their classmates talked about them. I assured them to be themselves but I first asked them how do they feel about their hair. They said they love their hair they just don't want it to be too long. We talked and I have kept their hair cut to a certain length. After talking to them and asking them how do they feel about themselves which ended with a great response. They said it doesn't matter what other people think or say they want to keep their hair. They are much older and still go through the same pressures and we have moved to a new state. I must say they are some strong young men to endure this on an almost daily basis. What's so funny is some of the boys that have something to say is growing their hair out for braids. I say talk to your children and ask them how they feel about themselves and reassure them God made them who and what they are for a reason. We must help our children with self esteem first and always thorughout their entire life.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to come back and post one of my favorite quotes which speaks to some of the other comments about how we reflet our own self-acceptance b/c we can say one thing with our mouths, but if our actions are doing something else - it will send a mixed message. Anyway, I use this quote a lot to check myself - whether it be my hair or just my general attitude.
ReplyDelete"A mother who radiates self-love and acceptance actually vaccinates her daughter against low self-esteem."
Naomi Wolf
We haven't run into this yet - but I guess we will. Q is the only person in our family with obviously curly hair. Everyone else either has straight or wavy hair. I'm just hoping hers stays curly!!
ReplyDeleteI don't know that it will be a whole lot different than other kids and types of hair growing up though - I mean every teen girl no matter her hair type - wishes it was different. And LOTS of them dye it or cut it or perm it, regardless of their natural texture. Most of the teen girls in our town look like skunks right now! Flat ironed straight hair that is bleach blonde on top and black underneath. Who KNOWS what their hair looks like naturally?!? :) haha oh well. I guess we'll do the best we can to teach her to honor and love her hair the way it is - and take the tween years as they come!!
This recently became an issue for us. My daughter just turned 6 and she asks for straight hair. She did have her hair blow dried straight for a haircut and it didn't really change her, but I think from being around all kinds of kids at school she see's it as normal. I wear my natural hair and she likes my hair and likes her hair curly and braided and whatever style I come up with, but aside from the moms that visit this blog, most moms have already permed their daughters hair. I have no plans to do that and I always remind her that her hair is beautiful, which it is, and that people are killing to get their hair to look like hers. We embrace all forms of beauty, but their is no emphasis on looking a certain way.
ReplyDeleteI had this problem with Anisa while she was in Pre-K. She wanted straight, yellow hair like her friend. No matter how many times I tried to tell her that her hair would never look like that, she insisted on having that kind of hair! Luckily she stopped wanting it. She loves her hair now and I am so happy!
ReplyDeleteI haven't had a problem yet.. My daughter is only 2 and I haven't really experienced any signs of dislikes. I really hope I never do, I try so hard to be positive about her hair. I will say that at the beginning I had family members who would say ignorant remarks about her hair, so I had to check a few people a few times before they realized I wasn't having it and if they didnt have anything good to say it was better left unsaid.
ReplyDeleteBut one thing I always do after I finish her hair, is stand her up in front of the mirror and and tell her hair looks pretty. She usually gives me a huge smile and repeats "pretty!". It also helps that my husband always makes it a point to compliment her on her new hair do. I think that makes a world of difference, I can see how happy it makes her to hear daddy say she's beautiful! I love seeing their father-daughter relationship grow.
after reading everyone elses comments i've picked up some more hints and tips and find it encouraging and also what to look out for down the track..
ReplyDeletethank you everyone
My daughter is only 3 so fortunately she doesn't really think about that. She loves her hair and embraces whatever style I put it in because I make sure it looks cute. After she is done her hair my husband and I always tell her how beautiful she looks and she smiles.
ReplyDelete