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Lately I have been feeling a little obligated to help strangers with their children's hair care. Now I think there's a fine line that should not be crossed. I know to a lot of people they think because the hair is all out and natural it is not properly cared for (not true!). Some people think only hair that is styled in braids or ponytails is properly cared for. However, I think I know the difference between hair that is well cared for and hair that is not.
I saw a little girl with her (I assume to be) grandmother at Walgreens the other day. The girl looked to be maybe around the age of 8 with beautiful curly hair, similar to my daughters hair. I could tell from a distance how dry it was and I saw that she had breakage, especially in the nape area (much shorter than the rest of her hair, hanging out of her ponytail). I really wanted to pull the grandmother aside and offer her some advice or ask her if she needed any advice but I didn't want to her offend her either so I didn't say anything. I thought about that little girl and her hair for a couple of days and wished I would have said something. So...
How do you offer hair advice to strangers (when you know the hair is not properly cared for)? Have you ever done it? How did you approach the situation? How did they react?
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A lot of parents don't know what to do with their child's hair. I believe you should kindly ask them (with a smile) if they were interested in learning about healthy natural ways to keep and maintain their child's hair. If they say no thank you then fine. However, I bet a lot of parents will be open to it. As long as you have good intentions I think they will show! :)
ReplyDeleteAfter all, you do have a blog about it.
As a stylist, I find myself in your situation often. If I feel compelled to offer some advice to someone, I usually compliment what has already been done (i.e. "Your little one's *insert hair style/clip/hat here* is simply adorable! What do you use on her hair/wrap it with at night/shampoo with?, etc.") That way, you have a gateway to a possible conversation. What I've found is that if it ends up being a less than appealing topic for the person you're trying to reach, they won't engage you past your question. However, if they are just WAITING for someone to give them the answers they need to get out of the hair cycle they're in, they'll be more than happy to chat it up about what you know. Be sure that whatever you go in on is an area you're knowledgeable about, and if you don't have the info outright to help them, have resources in mind to give them. Most of all, be in tune with the people you interact with, the lines are usually imaginary, you just have to know how to get past that. Hope that helps!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI've never approached a stranger but I have given advice, products, and satin bonnets/wraps to someone close to me for their little girl. I often do her hair so it was okay. However, I've learned that no matter what you try to do to help, a parent will do what they want to do (or don't want to do). I've also given advice to a former coworker about her little girl's hair and it was well received. I also told her about your site!
ReplyDeleteI could not offer advice out of the blue. I would have to either be approached first, or, if I'm really compelled to say something and just can't hold it off for nothing, lol, like I see traction alopecia or sores or many bumps, then I would first relay something complimenting, like ask where the mom got her daughter's cute hair accessories. Then I'd slide into what products she uses, and then, if she was friendly and enaged in the convo, I'd gateway that to what I do for my three girls. I just could not supply hair advice out of the blue or be didactic about it in person to total strangers, lol. I am no expert, but even if I was I would think just coming out of nowhere with in-your-face advice would be preceived as rude, judgemental and insulting before it would be seen as being helpful because of the stranger factor.
ReplyDeleteAlso when I was teaching, some of my girls would complain that their ponytails were too tight and they would ask me to help them. I always made sure to talk to their mom after school or write a little note letting her know that her daughter was uncomfortable and that I fixed it. Sometimes it continued to happen and sometimes it didn't. Like I said before, it really is up to what the parent wants to do.
ReplyDelete@Aisha I remember when I was little and my ponytails were too tight lol
ReplyDeleteI do not offer advice out of the blue, usually someone asks me for tips then I would suggest a few things that I know are helpful.
nikki,u can cpoy and paste my message from FB to u if u want to,the one tha t gave u the idea for this question
ReplyDeleteI've never offered advice to a stranger. If someone were to ask me what I do with my DD's hair, I tell them. But I'd feel it crosses the line to just go up to a stranger. I want to offer advice to my niece's mom, but I don't b/c I feel that might step on some toes as well. I was cringing when I saw her with flat-iron last weekend. My niece has gorgeous hair that has absolutely no reason to be flat-ironed. It made me sad, but not my place to speak on it.
ReplyDeleteI won't offer advice unless I'm approached. Even then I'm cautious about offering only the most general of suggestions, or I'll offer resources where people can get information instead of specific advice.
ReplyDeleteInterestingly though, I have lots of conversations with people who have taken stranger's hair advice and deeply regretted it.
Interesting comments here.
ReplyDeleteKatie, I was alone so I doubt she would have just walked up to me asking for hair advice. I have heard/read some horrible hair advice as well. However, since I have a blog about hair, I definitely think I could have helped in some way. But again, I don't want to offend anyone so I have yet to say something, it does hurt to just walk away though.
Some of you have good advice of starting up a conversation to see where it leads.
When people give me advice I love it but everyone is not me, some people would get offended so what I would do is start with a compliment, even if its a lie just to start the conversation. Or ask a question about "where did you get this or that" or something like that. Then try to make it seem like the convo leads to hair lol!
ReplyDeleteIt happened to me too many times that I saw the chance to do something for someone else and I didn't and I regreted not doing it afterwards.
I have never walked up to anyone and gave them advice. If I did, I would ask them how they care for their childs hair, so it seems like you're asking them for advice. Then I would suggest some ideas for them.
ReplyDeleteI don't offer advice, unless someone asks. I know I don't want people walking up to me with unsolicited advice, and I try to treat others how I would like to be treated.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel but I don't offer advise unless I'm asked. Some parents want to know how to care for their childs hair and maybe their own. They just don't want anyone out of the blue telling them...hey they get mad when family tell them.. Even if it's in a good way.
ReplyDeleteOne way you can help is to make some business like cards with your blog's logo on them and a couple of statements like "mommies from all over let's get together and discuss the joys of taking care of our daughters/sons hair." That way you can feel a little more at ease with approaching someone with their child. You can just let them know, you just started a blog on learning how to rake care of your daughters hair and it would be a delight for you to join the site with the many other moms who love to share in the discussion. These might sound lame..but thus was just something that quickly came to mind. Every situation may be different so you made need to come up with different approaches for each one. If you do the business like cards see if you can get them copyright as well. I'm not to sure if you want to go that route but it was just something to think about. Good luck
Oh yeah, I just moved to a new state last year, so my sons had to start the 2009/2010 school year at a new school. My 3rd sons first day of school was very different from me as well as him. I knew we needed to see the school nurse to let her see his immunization record and physical. What shocked me was.. She started to tell me about boys with braids( mind you my son has braids in his hair). She wanted to advise me that when I braid my sons hair not to braid to tight because she gets boys in her office almost daily crying about their head hurts. She continued by showing me and my son pictures of what would happen when your braids are tight. I did not try to persuade her I don't braid tight because the conversation would go on and on. What made me upset is she asked me if I braid to tight (my answer was no), but she had the nerve to ask my son in front of me, how does his head feel, does it hurt and do I braid tight. Of course I had to give her a piece of my mind in a good way. I mean dang, why so serious. There are ways to approach someone but I thought she went too far.
ReplyDeletedimples, yeah I definitely don't think it should be discussed in front of children. That is very sad about them going to the nurse crying though!
ReplyDeleteAs far as tight braids, there's a video on youtube showing hairstyles of a little girl and I must say it is quite disturbing. I'm pretty sure the little girl has traction alopecia but she continues to get tight braids with lots of extensions. Breaks my heart. She is absolutely adorable but almost all of her hair is gone, I'm talking bald to where you can see mostly scalp.
I don't think you should offer advice unless asked.. People may take offense.... I would have played this off two ways.. I would have complamented the little girls hair ooo what beautiful curls.... And let the lady take a glance at A hair and see how long a beautiful her hair is and then hopefullly open the converstion..... Or just said too the lady oo wow she has beautiful hair I have a blog site dedicated to hair care and styles for little girls check it out and pass her a card or something....
ReplyDeleteI've never just outright gave advice to anyone because I do think it can be a very touchy subject. If the subject arises or they ask, then I have no problem. Usually the subject opens up when I have my daughter with me and someone compliments her hair, but the last thing I want to do is offend anyone even if it would be to their benefit.
ReplyDeleteI always give my advice,lol. Most of the time people compliment Avianna's hair and ask me questions,and then that's how the topic gets started. I always give them the blog's name too.If I see a little girl with hair like Avianna that needs to be done I wanna say something,but sometime's I don't,most of the time I start up a convorsation with them and we start talking about hair
ReplyDeleteWell alot of times people come to me for advice after seeing my daughters hair and if they ask then i offer up advice. I sometimes refer them to this blog and to my own for style and care ideas. If i see someone in the store about to buy chemicals then i will tell them there is better ways to control your childs hair without chemicals. Ive gotten a few dirty looks but most times people are open to advice.
ReplyDeleteI have never walked directly up to a stranger to offer hair advice = however if there were other children with hair like my daughters i'd be curious to ask what products and what methods they use in taking care of their childs hair... i love hearing and swaping hair care tips but i've not run into anyone else that has the same textured hair as my daughter yet..but my eyes are always open. i think you need to be mindful of how you approach someone so as to not hurt their feelings start simple with compliments and then go for it..
ReplyDeleteHmm, since you have a blog, I think it would be more than appropriate to shortly tell them about it. I personally do not feel qualified to offer advice to strangers about their children's hair care because for one thing, I'm still learning. I'm not that great, yet. Plus, some people are very sensitive and hair is a touchy subject for most people (especially if they are still learning), and I don't want to offend anyone.
ReplyDeleteI do believe there is a way to offer advice, but if the child's hair is obviously in a horrible state (bald spots, split ends galore, no edges, obvious relaxer burn-out etc), don't start the conversation off with a compliment because parents can see right through that. Last week, we went to see my husband's relatives, and his aunt looked at my daughter's hair and was like "Oh...all that hair is so pretty. Do you braid it? All that hair..." (during the car trip, my 2 yr old daughter had pulled her beads out, tossed them out the window, undid the ponytails in the back, and played in it so she looked a little homely, lol) I was a little embarrassed, needless to say.
ReplyDeleteI agree with a lot of the others. There is no right way to just walk up and give hair advice. Even though you mean well, and come off in a non judgemental way, it will still be offending.
ReplyDeleteIf you are already having a convo with someone, I would ease it in there. Like, "your daughter has such beautiful hair, what do you use?". Then, If you feel safe enough, ease your advice in.
I would love it if someone walked up to me and offered advice! Done tactfully, I think it would be appreciated.
ReplyDeleteI will usually walk up to someone I see and hand them my hair flyer and tell them I do hair and if they are in need of help to let me know. Most people are really friendly and have questions right there of what they need to know. Not everyone comes and gets their daughters or their hair done. But I think handing them a flyer and saying you do hair is a good way to get them help. Even if its just answering their questions.
ReplyDeleteIt's a good idea with the blog, i'm sure that youre helping a lot with all those information on it. :)
ReplyDeleteBut i dont know with talking to people on the street.. Maybe if the hair are very dry and breaking could you say something, so she not would get a relaxer one day or something.
But it's not that bad and she have styled it in a way that seem she liked it, dont say something, that can seem a little hard for the little girl if she like it very much.
But I dont know what to do..
But u could also do like TaraOwens says and give flyers to them, then does it seem like something you just give to all people. :)
But yeah i love your blog, and your are giving me so much inspiration, and i'm sure that many people gets ideas from it.
I've only offered advice 1x in my life. That was b/c the lil' girl I saw was suffering from what appeared to be seborrhea dermatitis.
ReplyDeleteI suffered from this terribly when I was a child. Some old folks mistakenly call this "growing dandruff". The lil girl was so cute. I did compliment the mom, but I also shared that I had the same condition when I was a child & told her what prods worked to help us to get rid of it. Dr. prescribed a sulfur shampoo several x until it was gone. The gram used to use sulfur 8 on me too. LOL Nowadays we don't go all greasing up scalps. LOL
I must share though that when my (now 13 y.o.)
DD was a baby, I used to plait her hair (box braids) fresh from a bath. An in-law snarkily said, "what is your mom doing w/ your hair?" ouch! I was insulted. Also rec'd backhanded compliments over the years...something like.."oh, you're getting better." YIKES. to which I replied, yes, I am. LOL
A woman stopped me on the street when I was out w/ my DD. she was 2 & had the cutest puff! She tried to instruct & inform telling me to use ballies & stuff like that. I was dead set against it back then. Yes, I was offended. But I honestly thought that she must have been quite sheltered to have never seen a puff b4. SMH
Important to tread lightly when "sharing". :O) Great post. Thanks for sharing. Love the comments as well.