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Do you think it's important for a mother to have natural hair in order for her child to fully embrace their own natural hair? Why or why not?
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
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Yes,I do think it is very important for mom to embrace her natural hair as well,kids look up to their parents it should not be any other way your child is natural mom should be natural to :-))
ReplyDeleteOMG! I was just thinking the same thing! I was just telling my DH that I would love to go natural but I am scared to death of what my "natural" hair looks like. I've been on the creamy crack (hair relaxer) since I was 12! I think the hair is more versatile when it is natural. Since I learned to do my hair after it was relaxed, I had no idea how to take care of natural hair. Hence the pickle I've been in with my curly girl. But I will definitely lead my daughter to embrace her natural hair and if she decides she wants a perm when she is old enough, probably 16 (maybe 18!), I will give her one. I am appalled by some kids as young as 3 or 4 with a "kiddie" relaxer! I can't believe it! But for now, we are learning to love and care for her curls!
ReplyDeleteOf course! Gotta practice what you preach or teach in this matter. Plus, they look up to you and follow what you do anyway, so it is important. It is a great motivator.
ReplyDeleteKind of off topic but I also wanted to mention, I am sooo glad I came across your blog. You have NO IDEA how hard it was searching online for hair style ideas and info on how to take good care of my daughter's hair. My daughter is 1/2 black and 1/2 puerto rican. I found your blog by accident and soo glad I did! I am hooked! I learned soo much! Thanks!
Well I am not natural and have no intentions on being natural but my daughter is and will be as long as I have the sayso.
ReplyDeleteI attempted transitioning twice within the past 2 years and never made it past 5 months. Dealing with 2 natural kinky hair heads was a lot on me and I just end up goin back to a relaxer.
It's nice if the mother is natural also though.
I decided to be natural when I got pregnant with my twins. I was scared about what a relaxer could do to them if it somehow got into my bloodstream..and then I realized that I should be scared for myself. I said it then and can say now with absolute certainty that I will NEVER put a chemical in their hair. With that being said....if when they are 18, have the money to support the habit, can properly care for their hair, and know all there is to know about relaxers (including the health risks, potential for damage, and other negatives) and they still decide to relax their hair, I won't be mad at them or disown them lol. HOpefully though, they will not make that decision and I'm doing everything I can to teach their 2 year old selves that their hair is GORGEOUS as God created it. I constantly talk about their pretty curls and Mommy's curls and they even point out other braided heads and curly q-ties now.
ReplyDelete(This is Nicholle Cherie)
I feel that they should, however we all know that isn't how it always works.
ReplyDeleteWhen I went natural, it was pretty drastic, I cut all of my hair off and I had about 2 inches of hair on my head. My mother called me a "ghetto girl," would pull and tug on my hair, etc. She has finally stopped with the remarks because she now sees my hair flourishing, healthy and growing. Now, when she talks with people about my hair she goes on and on about how long it has gotten. I think it's an age factor. For young daughters, at that point they do not have much say (unless asked) of what they want their hair to be like. I was natural until I was age 11 or 12, when my mother asked me if I wanted a relaxer and I told her yes. Ultimately, it becomes the daughter's decision, but the change or transition as an adult is harder if the mother is still relaxed.
Yeah! If we want our kids to "fully embrace" anything - I think we need to live it. We can't rely on the "Do as I say, not as I do" mentality! :)
ReplyDeleteI guess at some point you have to decide what is embracing your natural beauty and what isn't. I'm not AA or biracial but have curly hair. But I do like to straighten it every once in a while, just for a change. Isn't that changing my natural hair even though it's not a permanent change? What about coloring my hair? Or white women who perm their hair to make it curly instead of straight? My concern isn't that my kids want straight hair or natural hair. My concern is that my kids see me as a model of how to live in a way that appreciates what God has given me and that is confident but not arrogant. Complaining about our hair, acting exasperated with it, acting like having straight hair is the most important thing, freaking out over hair that gets messed up, etc. all teach our kid that our hair matters more than other more important things like relationships, our inner beings, the way God created us, etc.. To me the issue isn't if you choose to have straight hair or curly, it's if you are emphasizing your appearance so much that it takes away from more important things. (ie choosing vanity over humility, gratitude, and sense of confidence in one's self because of who you are in God) While I understand how a child with natural hair and a parent with chemically straigthened hair may seem like a bit of a mixed message, the truth is the adult is much more capable of making a choice about their hair based on both practical concerns (ie ease in styling, etc.) and something that reflects a positive self image. Kids not so much.
ReplyDeleteOh, yeah. The parent needs to know the pitfalls so that she can help her daughter navigate those as she grows older. It also allows the parent to set the example. That said, it is possible for a parent who is not natural to help his or her child be natural. Some are motivated by helping their children do better than they did. But, yes, it definitely helps if a parent is natural.
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time visiting this blog and it is so interesting that this is the topic because my BF and I just had this discussion a few days ago. I am expecting our first daughter and had decided from the beginning that I would not get a perm while pregnant. After doing a lot of online searching, I have decided to transition.
ReplyDeleteLiving in a predominantly white area, I think it is important for my daughter to have me as a natural hair role model. I think it would be difficult to tell my daughter to embrace her natural hair while I'm walking around with a relaxer. It kind of sends a mixed message.
Prior to this pregnancy, I have had a perm since I was about 9. I don't see anything wrong with those who choose to chemically straighten their hair. For me, at this time in my life, my daughter's self image is what's most important.
I think Kayder1996 makes a great point. If kids see, or hear about, mom's desire to change her appearance or her dissatisfaction with her appearance, kids probably will internalize the idea that grown women must change how they look to be acceptable to themselves and others. Kids watch us closely for understanding on what it means to be an adult. It's perhaps not necessarily about how a mom chooses to wear her hair, but how she talks about it.
ReplyDeleteIn my house, I do have a walk the walk policy. I will not straighten my waves and curls, use heat, or dye my hair to cover the gray that seems to increase daily.
My daughter is one of the main inspirations for my natural hair journey. Although she's only 2 years old, it's been great learning what works for her (and mine). Natural hair is something that brings us closer together, and she will not get a perm until she moves out of my house ;-).
ReplyDeleteWhen the mother is natural, I do believe it helps the daughter to embrace her natural hair. I have 2 daughters (4 and 7), they have never had any chemicals in their hair. I however have been getting my hair relaxing for FOREVER!. I got my last relaxer last summer and did my big chop in Nov 09. Now that we are all natural I feel it has created a greater bond between us. We now decide on hairstyles together. They ask about the products I am using. They love the shea butter and almond oil on their hair and skin. My daughters ask alot of questions most of them starting with "WHY?". I knew that eventually they would ask why do I put that stuff in my hair. That question would lead to why can't they do it too. I did not want to tell them "because I said so". Above all actions speak louder than words and I am so glad to be able to lead by example.
ReplyDeleteYes, It is important but for me sometimes hard, because I have such straigt hair and after my baby, I started loosing a lot of hair, now it grew back, and I cut it a little below my shoulders, I curl it sometimes and since it tends to get a little puffy (yes straight hair), I use the flat iron, and my baby has told me I want hair like yours, or get your hair curly like mine, but I always assure her that we are all different and thats what makes us unique and beautiful.
ReplyDeleteYES! Parents should lead by example of how they want their children to be! I was natural growing up and hated getting my hair washed and pressed all the time. My mother and sister were both relaxed and I saw how easy it was for them to do their hair, and I wanted that! They both would tell me to NEVER get a relaxer but at the same time, they kept getting them. Of course I eventually got one, and now I look back and my childhood pics and wish for that thickness. I still have a good length, but back then, I was banging!
ReplyDeleteThis is so crazy because I have been thinking about this for the last couple of days. I am relaxed and am afraid to go natural because I would have to cut my hair. I like it long & it's been long for years now, plus I am not sure if I would be able to handle my natural texture, which is 4a. However, today is my birthday and I am 31 and can't imagine having relaxers for the rest of my life! I also think it's gonna be hard for me to tell my daughter to stay natural when I'm not. So, I have decided that I'm not getting any more relaxers! I am going to transition over a long period of time and gradually trim the relaxed ends off. I hope I can stick with it!
ReplyDeleteFirst time poster on your blog. I *love* your blog and all the cute styles. :o)
ReplyDeleteOn topic ~ YES! It's important for me to be natural. I'm the mom of 2 biracial boys: DH = straight hair, DS2 = straight hair & all DS1's classmates = straight hair. (We live in an area (State) with little diversity.)DS1 = curly hair (big, loopy curls). DS1's been craving straight hair.
To me, having relaxed hair was just a style. Just so DS1 won't think everyone in the fam = straight hair, I'm now transitioning. It's to show him (and not just *say*) that all textures = good textures. Kids notice what we do, perhaps even more than what we say. They're very observant.
Girls aren't the only ones affected by the hair texture issue. Boys are too (and not just AA or biracial boys; I've listened white ones share similar/same).
Yes, Usually the mother is natural for a reason. She can then explain and teach her child her reason for being natural
ReplyDeleteI think it is important for mothers to share the experience their child is experiencing with natural hair. We are our children's first teacher and role model. if we want to teach our children to love their natural hair we should be an example for them. It helps the child feel better about themselves to know mommy has natural hair like me.
ReplyDeleteI had a long thought process about this when I even started thinking of having kids. I don't have kids yet (though we will start trying @ the end of the year) and I think it is EXTREMELY important for me to be natural. I thought, how can I show my child he/she is beautiful the way they were born if I don't love everything about me?? So, right now I am in transition (9 months or so) and I can't wait to bring a beautiful child into this world and reinforce MY standard of beauty!
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't say that it's important, but it would be nice if mommy and daughter are both natural. My daughter was part of the reason that I went natural. I didn't want to run from the rain or not be able to play in the water. Although my hair is natural it is nothing like my daughter's hair, but it's great to know that we can share products, and I'm not buying or using products on her hair that aren't intended for her hair or mine.
ReplyDeleteI must confess that I had not seen my natural hair color in almost 15yrs. I have been every color imaginable and even permed my hair once or twice ( I have straight/waivy hair, so yes i was going curly). It was only until I started to learn how to take care of her hairthat I started torturing my own hair. I stopped dying my hair cold turkey... I am letting the last bit of color grow out so that as soon as it's long enough it can get cut off. The main reason I decided to stop was my daughter. I want her to love her natural hair curly and color. I honestly feel like I have to lead by example.
ReplyDeleteI think it's important because children learn more by what you do then what you say. Even if you constantly tell her that her natural hair is beautiful, eventually she's going to notice you using chemicals to get rid of your natural hair. Talk about mixed messages! I don't have children yet, but I'm glad I went natural before I have them (2 years this month!). Plus, learning to love and care for my hair will help me with theirs!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely! This is the reason why I started transitioning. How are you going to tell your daughter to have natural hair but use chemicals in your own???
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to be close to natural! My scalp and NG thanks me!
I'm actually transitioning to natural now for that very reason. I was talking to DH about how to teach my daughter to embrace her natural hair (she has gorgeous 3C hair) and he asked how could I teach her to love and appreciate her natural hair when I didn't do the same with my own. After a little soul searching and a lot of resistance, I decided to go natural.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, I would say that each mother has to make the decision that works best for her. I was already researching natural hair care and products in order to care for my daughter's hair. And I'm a stay at home mom, so I have more freedom to experiment with my hair. I just think that as long as your aware of the impact that your opinion of her hair will have on her.
Yes because little girls love to be just like their moms.
ReplyDeleteI think it's important for the Mom to wear hair naturally every once in awhile. I think it sends the wrong message if the mom doesn't. My cousin never wears her hair naturally and does the same with her daughters hair. (They are Puerto Rican with thick heads of kinky curly hair) She goes out of her way to blow out, iron, relax and straighten her hair straight along with her daughters'. I think she has done this little girl a disservice with her own self hate (is that too harsh?)not only damaging her hair at such a young age but by ruining her 9 yr/old daughters own self image in the process. She has her daughter believing that her hair is ugly. Whenever I get the chance when I see her I let her know that her hair is beautiful naturally curly. There are women who would kill to get their hair curly and who spend alot of money doing so. (when I was a teenager I hated my straight hair and got a horrible perm that made me look like a poodle) I myself am Puerto Rican with a 2 1/2 yr/old daughter who is mixed (1/2 PR, 1/4 Black 1/4 Domenican). My hair is fine and straight with a slight wave to it and my daughters hair is really curly but fine with a slight kink to it. I get creative with her hair sometimes(one of the reasons I'm here on your blog for ideas) but I also make it a point to have her hair worn naturally as often as possible. Mainly because I want her to be proud of who she is and where she comes from. And that she's beautiful just the way that she is. I figure if I start her young taking care of her hair that she will appreciate how to take care of her hair as she gets older. We have a trip to the salon today for a deep conditioning and maybe a braided curly do. Anyways that's my two cents.
ReplyDeleteI do think it is important. As a matter of fact, it was because of my daughter (she's 5) that I decided to stop relaxing my hair. I didn't think that I could truly teach her to accept her God given beauty if I was spending hours and $$ altering mine. I had my last perm when she was about 6 months old, transitioned with braids for about a year and locked my hair up after that. I've never regretted my decision and hope that I can influence her not to chemically straighten her hair. I'm cool with a flat-iron every now and again!
ReplyDeleteI think that is important for the mother to be natural. Like the saying, I can show you better than I can tell. Natural hair is beautiful and a mother's attitude, the experience that they give their daughter's during the "Saturday ritual" will determine how they view themselves and hair period
ReplyDeleteHello Ladies ! Actually , I am 13 years old and I am natural. My hair is very coarse. My mother wanted the perm out of my hair because it damaged the beautiful hair my sweet Lord gave me. Lol But seriously, it's been easier going through my transition because my mother is natural. Everyone loves my mother's "fro" and the teachers at school are continuosly asking why I went natural and I say because my mommy wants my hair to be healthy because she loves me . So to answer the question, I believe as a curious child, If my mommy still had a perm, I would ask " Why come You gotta perm but I can't?" . So to refrain from getting popped in the mouth, she went natural before I did. :) What a great Mommy !
ReplyDeleteI will NOT put chemicals in my baby's hair! Sadly though, it will be one of those, 'Do as I say, not as I do' situations since I am relaxed. I tried transitioning to natural a few years ago, but my job requires me to be "coiffed for the camera" and cutting everything off for a teeny fro could literally jeopardize my job. My mom and one of my sisters are natural, so I'm hoping other family members can step in on that one area and be a better role model than her mommy :-( hey, we do what we can, right? Great topic!
ReplyDeletei didn't see this question originally. However i do think that if we want to encourage love and acceptance of our childrens hair than it is important for us to be natural. I recently had died my hair brown and my daughter was in hysterics asking where mummy's white hair had gone and why i'd let someone paint my hair? she then started asking if she could get her hair painted? needless to say i'm re booking in to go back to my "white" hair... i've also learnt to live without my hair straightner.. i was once chained to that thing every morning trying to smooth down my wavy hair but i've learnt to accept and love the waves and now have way more free time in the morning.
ReplyDeleteI say yes. After all it's when little girlies want relaxers because their Mama's have relaxers. I think it avoids so much trouble when both Mama and girl are natural!
ReplyDelete